


i know my sins, and they know me

by persephonerights



Series: song drabbles [3]
Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Song fic, and have to live with their past choices!, character introspection, it knows me by avi kaplan, these characters live in darkness!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:27:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24897658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/persephonerights/pseuds/persephonerights
Summary: character introspection, the Six of Crows main crew reflect on what they've been through/what they've become! title from/fic inspired by It Knows Me by Avi Kaplan--It was an open secret between Wylan and Jan Van Eck that Wylan was unwanted and unloved. It wasn’t always, Wylan used to hope for a better future, but he knew better than that now. His father would discard if he could, and Wylan knows it.It wasn’t until the first murder attempt that Wylan realized he needed to leave, that all hints of fatherly love was gone. He would stare out his window and look over the city, knowing one day he would either die or become one of the tiny people below him. And eventually he might escape this whole damned place and get to the countryside. For the first time be truly free.
Relationships: Implied Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck
Series: song drabbles [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1705894
Kudos: 9





	i know my sins, and they know me

It was an open secret between Wylan and Jan Van Eck that Wylan was unwanted and unloved. It wasn’t always, Wylan used to hope for a better future, but he knew better than that now. His father would discard if he could, and Wylan knows it. 

It wasn’t until the first murder attempt that Wylan realized he needed to leave, that all hints of fatherly love was gone. He would stare out his window and look over the city, knowing one day he would either die or become one of the tiny people below him. And eventually he might escape this whole damned place and get to the countryside. For the first time be truly free. 

_ I seek the water _

_ I seek the trees _

_ I seek the heavens _

_ I'm brought down to my knees _

Matthias sat in his cell, directly facing the wall. His mind was travelling as his body sat, frozen, blamed for something he didn’t do. The cold seeped into his bones, and he let it. Ice doesn’t forgive - and neither does he. He would survive this hell, even if it’s to get revenge. Nina would pay for what she did to him. Locked him away against his will, even after they survived together. 

He meditated often, allowing himself to find his inner balance, just to make sure he doesn’t go crazy. He focused his anger inward, let it fester. Grow. And it scared him that it felt good. 

_ Yeah, I know anger _

_ I know peace _

_ Yeah, I know darkness _

_ Mm, and it knows me _

Kaz Brekker lived in the darkness. He thrived in it. He was Dirtyhands Brekker, and he was feared. And he liked it. Many people in Ketterda, tried to ignore the dark underbelly of the city and pretend that their business was backed by legitimate means. And they were free to do so. But the truth would always be this: Kaz and his crew ran the city, and no one could pretend otherwise forever. 

Just like Kaz couldn’t pretend the darkness always felt good. When it was late at night, almost morning, sometimes Kaz would remember. The way his brother and he laughed. The hope they had for their future, that they would be something. And then he reminded himself who he was now. Dirtyhands didn’t focus on the past. He focused on the next score, the next game, the next power move. Kaz had already fallen to the darkness - and no dead brother was coming back to drag him out. 

_ And it knows me _

_ And it knows me _

Inej Ghafa was a silent fighter, a slip in the night you didn’t see coming. She molded the darkness around her, it bent to her will. She was the sword that cut through the darkness. When people whispered her name she felt a jolt of something deep inside, whether it was self hatred or pride was yet to be decided. But she knew deep down it was both. She had risen like a phoenix after she had escaped the Menagerie, and she would do what it took to survive. 

Inej didn’t revel in the darkness the same way Kaz did. She watched as he smiled sharply when he dealt out punishments to those who crossed him, the twisted joy he felt when he destroyed something that belonged to an enemy. But what did it say about her that she didn’t hate that smile? That sometimes when he did it she smiled too, involuntarily? Kaz Brekker wasn’t just surrounded by darkness, he had become it. And sometimes, just sometimes, Inej wondered if he would bend to her will too. 

_ I've felt the fire _

_ I've held the sword _

_ I've fought desire _

_ Mm, but I lost that war _

Jesper Fahey wasn’t proud of his choices in life. In fact, he would even call himself ashamed by what he had become. When he left home he hadn’t set out to become a man who worked in the shady underground, or gambled away his father’s money. He had wanted to make something of himself, wanted to make his father proud. The two of them may not have always gotten along but they loved each other. Jesper knew no matter what he did, he could never make up for what he’s done. 

There was nothing Jesper wanted more than redemption. He saw his opportunity in the way that Kaz looked at him, trusting him with difficult assignments. He saw it in the way that Inej and Nina smiled at him, like they truly saw him as a friend, the way Matthias slowly started to trust him to have his back. And every once in a while he saw it in red hair, blue eyes, and a smile that seemed like it was just for him. He would spend the rest of his life trying to earn that smile. 

_ Crying out in shame _

_ Oh, for goodness sake _

_ I tried to disagree _

_ Oh, but it knows me _

Nina Zenik didn’t shy away from the choices she had made in life. She had gotten herself to Ketterdam against the odds, and while she had regrets, she didn’t like to dwell in them. If she focused on her past, she might never get up again. She worked where she needed to, got the information she needed, and went about her business. She didn’t have time to think about Matthias, or what his cell might have looked like, what he must be going through. 

She was Nina Zenik, heartrender. And she had a job to do and she would do it well. She owed it to her training and to her people. The first time she takes parem she let’s the weight of it sink down to her bones, the power she felt was indescribable, it awakened something deep inside of her. She knew the consequences would be harsh and unforgiving - but she could be too. She knew her past better than anyone, and she knew the potential dangers of this and she chose to do it anyway. Someday, maybe, she would be free of her past and her choices, but for now she just needed to keep going. 

_ Rest my soul _

_ Grace set me free _

_ I know my sins _

_ And they know me _

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this!! I think these characters have different opinions about what they're going through/what they've done to survive and I hope this gets this across!! If you all like it please kudos/comment :) and feel free to follow me over on [tumblr](https://persephonerights.tumblr.com/)
> 
> also the parts i was most nervous about were nina/matthias so if you have any advice on how to write those characters better I'd take it :)


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